"The hottest love has the coldest end." , I came across this quote many years ago, and I used to doubt it, until it happens on me..It has been alomst half a year since I broke up with my ex, and we never contact eachother ever since that.. Why? A question I've been asking myself.. and the damn sentence always repeating in my blog, do we really have to behave like a stranger?
Me and Wei Zhen started out as a classmate, then friend and lover.. Some of you might recall we're such a lovey dovey couple way back in high school and many of you have never imagine that we'll both ended up in this way.. But, what more can I say..? It just happened.
I've been trying very hard to maintain a friend relationship with zhen after the break up, but it just won't work.. perhaps both of us know that, friendship right after a break up is almost impossible, because of the leftover feelings, it makes the whole friendship thing appears to be not genuine at all.
Is wanting to be friends now a subconscious excuse to be around him so I can find closure on unresolved things? Partly, yes, because if we're both avoiding eachother, it simply means that either one of us haven't let go and still hurting from a past relationship, thus making me not ready to move on with my life.. (No, it doesn't sounds rediculous). However, it's mostly because I still like him as a friend and what attracted me about him in the first place is still there, he is still the coolest dude i knew in class, that listens the same things I listen and enjoys talking about food. The guy that shares a lot of my interests. He is definitely still the guy that exist in the same light in which I first saw this person. There's habit and familiarity. Maybe dating was a mistake. Or maybe it was worth a shot, but sadly it didn't work. "He might not be a good lover, but he is a good friend", that's what I always tell Derek.
No doubt, my ex is someone who already knows my friends, my favourite ice cream, my habit of not eating yolks, my obssession on Daniel Henney. I don't have to explain myself; I don't have to go through that faking game and need not to be 100% perfect when I'm with him.. In short, we have reached the "comfort zone" of being with eachother. A person who know so much about me, why is he behaving like a total stranger right now? Is the break up process still going on? Do we still have an intense feelings on eachother and we're afraid of the reconcilation? or simply we still hold the grudge on what our partner did in the past? Who's right and who's wrong? Does it still matters?
After all this while, I'm sure that I'm done breaking up, and certainly I still wish to be friends with him, merely friends.. Why? He is my high school classmate, and I'm sure in future he is someone that i will bump into, someone that my friends know and will continue socialize with..So, instead of meeting him in the future and feeling devasted about the past. I rather let go, and be a grown up, have some maturity, suck it up if I have to, and really try. Of course, It is easier said than done, being friends means trusting again that someone who hurt you. But I guess it goes down to accepting the other person by simply who they are. For sure, I would see him as a totally different person and as an ex lover, I think, we can still be there as a friend, when a hand is needed or simply a good companion for a cup of coffee. Why not?

But the problem is.. How am I suppose to start this all by myself? It has to be mutual...

P.s. Would you like to be my friend? Again?