Recently a strange question pop up in my mind, "Do I really love him or I just love being in love".. I actually told him that I enjoy being in love and in the same time I appreciate his accompany. So what is it? IRONIC. Then, after calming down and think over it again. I was wrong, It's not I love being in love. It's him that makes me enjoy being in love.

.. I hope it won't be too late right now, but what matter the most is I am feeling better. Few hours ago, I was crying stop crying and then start crying again. The first thing I did when I came home was to pack everything and to lock it in my drawer. I came through lots of stuffs we had together,like rings, letters, souvenirs and many many things not forgetting the best couple banner way back in the high school prom.. Believe me in this, it was a tough process. Every sentence i read in the cards he gave me was another reminder of my heart cracking sound.

The messages he sent me in my phone.. wow.. that's really a killer.. every simple "How are you babe?", "Love you always","drive carefully babe"... ... ... ... (I can't do this).. every simple messages, it is sharp enough to pierce through my heart. I regret, regret for not paying much attention on him.. regret for.. many many things that i did, in the past I really don't know that he was struggling silently - alone.. not until he told me recently...

I really can't continue this...