I've been like this for awhile.. every time when i look at the calendar, time, clock or anything related to time and date i will have a strange thought in my mind. I'll be thinking, how i wish i can alter time, what will i be doing now if this was few months ago, what is gonna happen to me in the next few months, if i have a chance will i make that decision and.. .. weird and unusual things seems to flow on my mind all the time.

This is not the first break up i go through, but this time round, it's harder than before.. I have forgotten how to live on a single life..

Well.. It's not that i never try, but it's ain't working here.. I picked up violin, got back to study music again, contacted few of my old friends, read up few books and ... ...MORE. But.. the feeling is not the same anymore. Why is it? Perhaps, i have no one to share how i feel. When something happened, no matter good or bad, he will be the first one to know, and he will be the first one who feel for me. But now.. haha.. i don't know.. the feeling is so weird.. not anymore.. someone who used to be so close and dear to you, and suddenly *pfft* it went missing. Although he is standing right in front of you, but the feeling is not the same anymore. So near yet so far.

I never want to disappoint you all.. I will be alright.. All i need is some time.. just bear me a while more.. I have to.. if I don't love myself who is going to love me,right?

I heard that.. little voice inside me saying,"..be strong Mandy.."